Mothers day

Tomorrow is mothers day… I want nothing to do with the day, I want no gifts, no money spent. The cards and such my children made me are enough. I have been trying to tell my husband that..  He doesn’t get it. What I want to tell him is what I really want.. I want my baby back.. I want to be hugely pregnant and miserable. I want my baby boy not some trinket. I want to get pregnant again. I want him to want to try again. I want to be happy. I don’t want to celebrate. I want to throw up and buy diapers. I want to stop the tears that wont stop no matter what I do.  But I can’t tell him that. He doesn’t understand.  Or doesn’t want to and I’ll nnot inflict that pain on him again.

So while I hope everyone has a happy day tomorrow. I’ll have another day where all I want to do is curl up and die. I’ll be outwardly happy for my children and husband, but so sad inside that it is completely unfathomable.


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