I’m a horrible person

So my neighbor had a new baby boy today.. I broke down in tears as soon as I shut the door.. It’s no fair, I’m angry and sad, but I want to be happy for her. I really truly do. I am a horrible neighbor. For the past month I have been jealous of her. I have been angry and avoiding her. I don’t even know her very well. I didn’t even know her well enough to tell her I was pregnant. She doesn’t know that I lost a baby boy, and there is no reason to tell.. There is no reason to tell anyone. No reason at all. there is no reason to writing this either except that this is what I do when I’m upset. I write it down.. I drown it in tears for a few minutes, I berate myself, and I try to move on.  Why can’t I move on? Why do I have to be this angry bitter person? why can’t I control myself even a little?

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