What’s the point,

I spent this morning hiding in bed, sobbing…

Last night hubby told me he isn’t ready to try again yet.. I understand that. I really really do.. Trust me I don’t hold that against him. I love him to much to not understand or be angry over that.

Then he said he didn’t want to try again just because I’m sad over our loss.

What’s the point in me trying to act happy. What’s the point in me eating in an effort to show him that I’m getting better.  What is the point in carrying on everyday when I just want to curl up and fade away. Whats the point in hiding the hurt I feel so deeply so that I can smile and laugh. I wish it didn’t sound childish I wish I didn’t feel so selfish. The only time I am truly happy is when I am thinking about trying again.. It’s not that I want to replace our baby it is that it feels like that is the only thing that will fill this huge unspeakable void. I wish I could tell my hubby this with out sounding petty and immature. I wish he could see this and understand. I wish he knew how much my heart breaks when he says those things to me. I wish I could talk about it with out crying, sobbing, tearing up and becoming incomprehensible . I wish he felt the same way.

What’s the point?

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