I’m a jerk

I am a jerk … Seriously, I want another baby so badly at this point. My heart is broken and that is all I can think of right now. I feel empty and sad. Hubby and I went to have sex the other day, and I refused to get a condom (for a while I did eventually give in). He isn’t ready to try again but I don’t really care. I don’t usually feel this way. I’m not usually an ass hat like this. He wants to wait a few more months, I don’t.

I started taking birth control today even though I don’t want to. I know it is his decision too. It’s not fair for me to resent him for taking it, but I do a little bit… It’s stupid. I cried as I swallowed the damn pill. I’m sad and so very empty. I want a baby but more importantly I want my baby back. I want to know the reason we lost him, The reason god took my baby from me. I want to be happy and sick and fat… I am a jerkwad.

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