No title today.

So I have nothing to title this jumble of feelings inside me today.

I hate the way I feel right now. I am NOT nor have I ever been an angry or jealous person, but lately I am. The anger and jealousy are poisoning me, and it feels horrible. There are no less then 3 moms at my kids school who have had babies within the past 2 weeks. More moms that are pregnant many that are due in July which is when I was due.

Why do they get to have babies? Why is life so unfair? Why was our baby taken? Did I not want him enough? I know he was a surprise but I wanted him so badly. So fucking badly. I love him so much :(.

So much for getting back to normal. So much for moving on. I am even still bleeding so I can’t even have sex with my husband and that sucks.

My doctor called and rescheduled my follow up appointment, so now I wait another day to go in, to the office I don’t want to ever walk into again unless I was pregnant and happy.

I want to be happy, I want to be happy for a the new and pregnant moms. I don’t want this hate and anger and jealousy inside me. I just don’t know how to let it go.

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