I’m tired

So tired of feeling like crap, of being sad, of being angry, jealous, petty, quick tempered. I’m tired of the grief, mourning,  of no one really wanting to talk. I’m tired of holding in my thoughts and feelings and being afraid to really. I tell someone what I’m feeling. I want to be held and told it will all be ok and not feel badly for crying. I’m tired of being strong.

I would love for my hubby to get a offer on this job so that I can stop dealing with the day by day wait. I want to tell him I want so very badly to try for another baby.  BUt at the same time that I want to try so badly I realize that if I got pregnant today and found out it was a girl I would be angry… so very very angry. And that isn’t fair. It isn’t fair to anyone. I need to work out these feelings, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to voice them. I  don’t know who to talk to because I just seem to make people sad. No one seems to really want to know how I’m doing. Though I try so damn hard to hide it I’m not sure how anyone could see how much I’m really hurting.

I’m tired of feeling my heart break over and over every single day. I’m tired of crying for something that just can’t be fixed

I’m tired.


2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Savannah said,

    I’ll be thinking of you!

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