Why?

Why am I writing here night after night? Probably to stay sane and get through another day. I am so very depressed at the moment. As I have been writing these posts every night I do so with tears rolling down my face my eyes half closed and just let the sadness take over for a little. Lately it seems I can’t eat food is gross. In the last week and 3 days I have lost 10 pounds at least. I don’t sleep well it is usually just around 2 am when I finally drift off and then I am up at 6 to deal with another day. No one reads these posts but me. I don’t know if I want anyone too. I really don’t care either way. Maybe one day I will be glad I wrote this all down, maybe not. I am tired, I am sad, I am broken and I need to be healed. One day maybe. I guess we will see. I am jealous and angry, I am hurt and I am wilting. I just don’t know what to do with it anymore. I don’t want to be strong and get through it.

I want to be pregnant and have a strong healthy baby. I want to make my 5 year old a big sister. I want to be happy and full of life and love again. Maybe one day?

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