So very sad today

Today should be happy as it is my eldest childs birthday. Instead it is incredibly sad. Last Thursday I went in to the OBGYN for a happy 20 week prenatal appointment and ultrasound. At the appointment We were told that the baby had no heartbeat. That he had passed away at 16 weeks gestation. We made all the plans and arrangements necessary and checked in to the hospital yesterday. After a long and painful 8 hour labor I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who will forever live in my heart just not in my arms. Today I have to find the words to tell my children, but not today I will not spoil my eldests birthday fun. Today I have to live my life and love my babies that are with me. Today I have to grieve queitly and mourn my empty belly and the son i cant feel kicking inside me anymore.

I love you baby boy, Mommy wanted you so badly but i guess heaven needed a new angel more.


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